I realized that even though the wedding was far away, my appointment at Kleinfelds was a mere MONTH away! Agh! Out goes my "1 pound a month" weight loss plan. This calls for serious crash dieting. Like Nicole Richie style dieting. Like I'm talking coffee and laxative diet.
 |
| Ew. No thanks. |
Here's my main problem. I have to come to realize that I have wayyyyy too much confidence in myself, to the point that it's debilitating and it's spawned from the simple fact that I used to be skinny. By skinny I don't mean supermodel skinny. I wasn't ever particularly thin to any outstanding point, but I was at an average height and weight and I wore a size small in all my clothes. Did I have to work to be that size? No. I did diet slightly when I felt I was getting softer than usual but I'm talking like a weekend of cutting back on french fries. I am definitely more active and diet conscious now. When I gained my first 20 pounds, I still wasn't THAT worried. Yes, I noticed it, but I didn't really think it was any cause for alarm. I was just in a ballooning stage and I would eventually wane back down to my average size 6.
Never happened.
35 pounds later, here I am, cursing myself for not stopping this snowballing weight earlier on. It wasn't what the scale said that made me take notice. It was the fact that NONE OF MY CLOTHES WOULD FIT ANYMORE. That was the real eye opener. My favorite pair of jeans? Folded up and pushed to the back of the closet. My comfy hoodie that was loose and long on me? Is now too tight and barely covers my midsection. I can't wear it mainly because it cuts off circulation in my arms. AGH. Panicking now. Would I have to wear muu muus for the rest of my life? No. I can control this. This is within my control. I can lose weight if I really want to. If I really tried. People do it all the time. This is just a phase. It's just a big phase. A big fat long phase. And now I have a wedding that I REFUSE to be fat for. Me as a fat bride? Not going to happen. I refuse to let it happen.
So. The first step to the road to recovery is admit that I am no longer the "normally skinny" girl. I have to take my place in the overweight category and work my way back. Skinny is not encoded into my genes anymore so I am part of the 90% of the population that have to actively and aggressively fight the fat tendencies. It sucks and it's not fair and I want to inject them all with a mayonaise and butter concoction but those are the cards dealt so fine.
Courses of action effective immediately:
- Pack my meals for school.
- Salads, salads, and more salads,
- Brown is the new white. :(
- Sweat everyday. For real.
New Mantra: Kleinfelds or Bust!
I am SO with you. I too have always been confident and naturally thin...and then I turned about 28 and things starting going downhill. I realized that I would have to exercise and eat smaller portions. And then I waited another two years to do this and then I was "all of a sudden" 40 lbs heavier than I was when I got married (BIG BOOBIES NOW!). I don't feel fat and I certainly don't look fat...but I am bigger and my clothes hurt me too...haha. The part you need to master is the routine - once something is a routine, it becomes "easier". Apparently it takes a month!
ReplyDelete15 lbs seems like A LOT to lose - careful you don't gain it all back. Unfortunately, this is now a lifestyle, not just a phase. You look beautiful anyways, but it's about health and how you feel about yourself in the end :)
Thanks Heather! You've definitely been a major inspiration! :)
ReplyDeletePs. Don't eat Lean Cuisine's - check this out:
ReplyDeletehttp://fitperez.com/2011-02-10-who-lean-is-a-lean-cuisine